That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
