tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
