Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
