Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
