these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
