I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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