So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
