Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
from now on my penis is your penis
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A bitchslap is in order.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
