Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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