well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
