Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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