So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
