yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
