Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
