Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
