I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So squirting runs in the family.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize