At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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