i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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