ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
