I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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