I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
