My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Someone signed my nipple.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
