I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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