how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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