You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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