I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
