Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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