I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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