I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
