my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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