I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
