he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize