Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize