i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
