Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
