Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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