i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
