epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
