when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
