i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
