Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
