I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
