dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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