What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
