Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
