While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
