If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
