Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
