I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize