if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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