Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
