she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
