Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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