I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
