i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
