no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
