Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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