i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pants are for mortals
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
