y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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