First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
