you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
