He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
