I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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