Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize