Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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