if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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