On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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