everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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